ok, i am completely stressed today. really since yesterday, and i think it may carry over til the weekend. we are having company tomorrow, a party on saturday that we are completely unprepared for. i think it will be the most lame carnival party ever, but there will be a cotton candy machine. swim lessons all week…grayson melted down yesterday right at the end of the lesson. i felt sorry and furious at him all at the same time.

i will write more later. promise. i have lots of diet related victories and defeats in the last few days. how is everyone else?? i need some inspiration. or maybe just a cigarette.

we are going to our first swim lesson for the kids today. i, of course, will be holding henry like a badge of honor, or shield, repesenting why i will not be in the pool. really, i feel like i am using him as my excuse to not get in a swimsuit. that is when you know something is wrong in your thinking: when you trade making memories with your kids, for hiding your fat ass. granted, i hired someone to help them swim from the ymca, who i know will teach them better than i could have dreamed.

practice makes…better. that is what we tell our kids at school. you won’t be perfect, but you will surely get better. i realized today that practice is performance, when it comes to our eating habits and diet. when we are practicing good, healthy eating habits, we are actually in performance mode, in that moment. when we are trying out a new workout, practicing our tennis swing, we are again in performance mode. our performance is a life. it’s nice to know that when you are practicing being healthy, you are actually participating in the real thing: a healthier life.

yesterday was a great eating day for me. i stayed well within my weight watchers points, and cleaned house (more like waged war against it) all day. today i feel a little more stressed about eating. i know we have lots of things to do today. we are going to panera tonight to celebrate my daughter’s 4th birthday. i need to get prepared. i need to get online at panera and see what is the best bang for my calorie bucks. no more excuses. i am in performance mode.

I have tried to have a blog 3 times before, writing about things that I thought would be interesting and intellectual. Forget it. For some reason, sounding smart and blogging do not mix for me. So let’s go completely superficial and blog about what I think about most of the time, dieting! Working out! There will be a place for family and everyday venting, but honestly, half my conversations with my friends are about what we are eating, or more importantly, what we are not eating. so, this blogs for the girls!

to kick it off, a title that is very telling of my current dieting situation. 4 years ago i had a beautiful little baby girl. she has grown into a sassy and smart pre-schooler. even though she’s not a baby anymore, i still have a sweet little reminder of her pregnancy. some on my hips, thighs and stomach. arms, face. you get the picture. i was dieting and starting to lose then again, a baby. he was born 7 weeks ago. so, i have 4 years and 7 weeks of weight to go….i need to mention that i have a 5 year old son also, my first born. i gained almost 70 pounds with him. and lost it in about 8 months.  do you even have to wonder who my favorite child is? just kidding.

to throw another number out, i turn 30 in 2 weeks. maybe i should use these numbers for the lotto or something. re-reading them here is just depressing!

so, pull up a chair, yoga mat or treadmill. this will be a place to rant and cheer about what is going right and wrong in our diets. or maybe just in mine.